One of my favorite small artists is this incredibly talented singer-songwriter, Alix Page. With no albums, 2 EPs, several singles, and quite a few features, she has shown that she is ready to go to great places within the music industry. Her lyricism and vocal skills are extremely amazing for someone in her position and I’m sure that she is going to go so far in her career. While I have yet to see her live, which is one goal on my bucket list, I’ve loved her music for the past 2 years, so getting to watch her grow and get even better than she previously was is something so wonderful to see. So, let’s get into the breakdown–
TRACKLIST
Goose
Automatic
4Runner
How Could I
Toothache
ANALYSIS
1. Goose
Synopsis– The first track of this album explores the complexity of a relationship that is constantly changing and migrating between extreme highs and extreme lows. There are moments highlighted within the song of dear affection, but also scenarios of deep pain being felt by the speaker. It is obvious that she is very committed to this relationship and does not want to let her partner go, but is unable to help herself from thinking of the red flags and potential for her to be hurt even more.
Lyric Pullouts–
“Call me in the dead of night
And I’ll be at your door
Couldn’t love you any more“ (Verse 1)
The final lyric these few lines allows room for the audience to interpret it in two different ways, with it being either the speaker’s inability to love her partner for any longer because of the toll that their relationship has taken or the fact that the speaker cannot love them more than she already does, because all of her love is being given to them. While Alix has confirmed that she wrote the line with her personal meaning being the latter, which is exemplified by the lyrics prior to it, it can still be understood in either way that is specific to the listener. Alix expresses her willingness to do anything for her partner, like coming to see them in the middle of the night just because they asked her to, which evidently conveys how much love she holds for them.
“It’s a lost start
And a false start
I’ve seen all the movies
So you wake up
Brush the bruise off” (Bridge)
She is unsure of how she should feel about this relationship. While she wants to believe that things will work out, she knows that there’s no way that can happen. Even when things seem like they may be looking up, she knows that it’s just a hoax and what she’s seeing isn’t reality. It’s almost dreamlike which is why she utilizes the phrase “wake up” as a metaphor for snapping out of this dream that she has and come back to what is actually the truth.
Alix’s Commentary– Alix engages with a lot of fans on social media, answering their questions and replying to their thoughts on her songs. She was asked about a particular few lines in “Goose” and replied with, “one of my friends asked me to be in cover art he was shooting and it involved me driving a 1960s convertible on the freeway in the rain. scary but very inspiring which is exactly what i needed at that point in time.” (via X, formerly known as Twitter)
2. Automatic
Synopsis– Throughout this song, the speaker owns up to mistakes that she’s made in her relationship that may have been the cause for its downfall. Unfortunately, though, this just further upsets her because she never wanted things between her and her partner to end. As she recalls these events, she can’t help but wish that they were still together and everything was back to normal.
Lyric Pullouts–
“Coffee’s cold, no one’s home
Now I’m all alone, and I’m so bored (I’m so bored)…
…There’s nothin’ like the back and forth
The push and pull, that leaves you wanting more (Wanting more)” (Verse 2)
After their relationship ended, she felt extremely lonely because she is used to having her partner constantly around, so now she feels like she has nothing to do any longer and everything just bores her because her partner is no longer with her. She’d even rather have the arguing and the chase that came with the relationship than not see this person anymore. She expresses that there isn’t anything that can match that feeling and that’s what makes her want things to go back to how they once were.
“I don’t wanna try to be your friend (Pre-Chorus)
I wanna do it again
And again and again
I’ll be stuck in your head” (Bridge)
It is expressed that while things may have gone wrong in their relationship, it was nothing enough to make either partner hate the other as they tried to remain friends after their breakup. However this is extremely upsetting to the speaker as this was never what she wanted, and continues to repeat how she wants to be with this person again. She wants them to feel and think about her how she feels and thinks about them, but she is aware that things aren’t going to be like that again.
3. 4Runner
Synopsis– Alix is reflecting on a past relationship that has left her with lingering feelings, ones that she is unable to shake because of how much she cared for this person she went through a breakup with. This is someone she’s always been close to, someone dependable and like a security blanket for her. Since growing up, they both changed and knew that it was time to move on from their relationship for the benefit of the both of them, but that doesn’t make it any easier.
Lyric Pullouts–
“Never wanna love you like a bad habit
Or a safety net, but when I come home
Half expect to see you waiting in my driveway
So faithful (Verse 1)
You’re my 4Runner” (Chorus 1)
4Runners are often referred to as extremely loyal and reliable. During the time that she was in a relationship with this person, that’s exactly how they were as a partner. She doesn’t want to continue thinking of them in this way or continue to hold love for them, but she can’t help herself because of how wonderful they were during their time together. However, unfortunately for her, she will always view them this way and will always anticipate them being there for her.
“(Tell you when I’m leaving, how I’ll never see you)
(I want you to know that I never really mean it) (Chorus 2)
I can take it back, I can take it back
Anytime I want to, anytime I want to” (Post-Chorus)
Although this breakup was especially hard on her, Alix knows that she can change her mind anytime that she wants, and just because she says something once does not mean that she will always have to stay true to it. Even if she sometimes will say things that aren’t the nicest to her former partner, such as not truly meaning that she loved them, she is allowed to take those things back, especially because they were expressed from the spur of the moment and not out of truth. Alix even elaborated further on these lyrics to fans by explaining them as “you’re allowed [to] change your mind whenever you want – you can always call old friends, you can always apologize, you can always try to get them back, you can always go home.”
Alix’s Commentary– She explained some of the lyrics by saying “we got careless in our relationship, we should’ve tried harder to make it work – they got super drunk at a party and i drove us home and i hate being sober around drunk people so i felt small and lonely.” (via X, formerly known as Twitter)
4. How Could I
Synopsis– Throughout this track, the speaker cannot believe how she’s made the decisions she has. Her complex emotions throughout this new relationship has made her rethink her actions, beginning to understand that she needs to prioritize herself because if she is not taking the best care of herself, she cannot maintain a relationship either. Her self-reflection is shown through her questioning of things she’s said and done, all things that are highlighted by her vulnerability.
Lyric Pullouts–
“Don’t know what to believe in
Scared that I didn’t mean it
Scared you’ll end up on speed dial” (Verse 2)
When getting into a new relationship, especially after all of the pain and hardship she’s endured from her previous ones, Alix is very nervous about how things will go between them. She can’t tell if her new partner actually loves her and if they say that they do, if they’re telling the truth. She is also unsure if she actually loves them or if the feeling of jumping into a new relationship has given her a rush of adrenaline that makes her say things that she doesn’t truly mean. But overall, she is most scared of getting so close to this person that they become someone that she relies on, that she goes to under any minor inconvenience.
“Tell me what feels the most broken
Is it your heart or your ego?
You can say it out loud
Get out in thе open” (Verse 3)
She has come to the conclusion that getting into a relationship with this person is not the best for her at this moment, considering the hurt she’s felt from what has happened in her other relationships. After turning this person down, they seem evidently upset, but she wants to know if they are actually sad because they truly love her or because it’s the first time they’ve been turned down before. She wants them to know that she won’t have any hard feelings by what they say, but it is something that she needs to know going forward.
Alix’s Commentary– When talking about some of the lyrics on this song, Alix specifically said, “do you actually miss me and love me as a person or is your ego bruised because somebody turned you down for the first time in your life.” (via X, formerly known as Twitter)
5. Toothache
Synopsis– Alix explores how much pain can arise due to the end of a relationship. In this song, she expresses the distress and lonesomeness she is experiencing because this relationship has come to an end. This breakup was not easy for either person to go through, yet it is evident that it was the best thing to be done so that they both can grow and better themselves. Although there is extreme longing felt by the speaker, she knows that it needed to be done.
Lyric Pullouts–
“Broke down when you cried on the other line
I asked what you want and you spell it out
You say you’re trying to make it better
So you’re writing me a letter” (Verse 2)
It is obvious that her ex is the one who ended their relationship, however it seems as though it was not an easy choice for them to make. They made a call to her to talk about how they are feeling but it’s already hard enough to do that without thinking about how they also have to break up with her. She can tell that there is something causing them pain so she asks about it, prompting them to bring up the fact that they want to end things, but they do not want to break her heart.
“All you do is
And all I do is
Mmm, all you do is
All I do is want you back” (Outro)
This is a callback to the chorus where she sings that her ex “drives her wild” and she “plays the victim,” except this time she’s unable to state these things. The pain is too much for her to handle, causing her to just repeat herself, unable to truly get her emotions out. However, she is able enough to restate that she wants this person back, the major feeling that she is burdened with after their breakup. She is stuck on this person and how things ended, and can only think about that.
Alix’s Commentary– Alix was asked “what feels like a toothache?” in reference to the first line on the track and she answered, “overthinking about how a relationship ended and feeling like you can’t talk to anyone about it so it just starts rotting your brain.” (via X, formerly known as Twitter)
FINAL THOUGHTS
After struggling with a number of rough relationships, rough people, and rough breakups, Alix shows that there is always room to grow, improve, and get over the hardships that burden one’s life. Her ability to really cover her lyrics in emotions, emotions that are felt by all of her listeners is brilliant and just further exemplifies how amazing she truly is. I cannot wait to see her achieve such big things. And finally–
MY RANKING
1. Goose
2. Toothache
3. Automatic
4. 4Runner
5. How Could I
WHERE TO LISTEN
